In writing how Barry Bonds joining the Miami Marlins as a hitting coach is going to be a disaster, Yahoo Sports’ Jeff Passan rightfully annihilated Jeffrey Loria and David Samson in the process.

Passan has done this before, in 2012 — here and here. And in 2013. And again in 2014, as Andy Slater has brought to my attention.

And it’s been awesome every time — four first-ballot Marlins Bashing Hall of Famers.

Unless retirement has mellowed Bonds – unless, frankly, it has made him patient as a monk – he, like everyone else who walks into the petri dish of palace intrigue that is the Miami Marlins organization, will be done in by its well-worn dysfunction. For there is no greater set of fools in baseball than Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria and president David Samson, and no matter how many great baseball men pervade their offices – and there are plenty – the amphisbaena atop the org chart will counteract any positives with its serial boobery.

Are you pumped yet?

Sadly that one paragraph was more entertaining than the Dolphins and Hurricanes’ seasons — combined. But oh does it get better. Passan is just warming up.

If he fully understood the culture that beat down many good men before him and will continue to neuter others so long as Loria and Samson are in charge, perhaps Bonds could’ve saved himself the trouble of wondering how he took a major league job and ended up in a minor league operation.

WOOOO HOOOOOO. I’ve never felt more alive.

At one point during the 2015 season, Marlins manager Dan Jennings held a team meeting and asked the players how to improve the atmosphere around the team, according to multiple people present. The players’ top request: Keep Samson and other front-office types out of the clubhouse.

Passan is a GOD.

He goes on to write about how the players grew tired of Loria approaching players after losses to talk about their play… because, um, what players would want to talk to their crusty, vile owner about a game he knows nothing about, especially after a loss?

Never, in Loria and Samson’s world, are the Marlins’ endemic problems due to the two constants: themselves. It’s always someone else’s fault, which led one source close to the team to quip about Mattingly: “He’s a lame duck with a four-year contract.”

Loria, in particular, cannot help himself. “He thinks he knows more than any manager,” one former Marlins employee said. “He thinks he knows more than any GM. He runs his team like a fantasy baseball team.”

… Scores of players have left the Marlins and felt like they’ve been pardoned

Nobody – not even Barry Bonds – is immune to this. No matter who they hire, no matter how they try to cover the holes in the floor that go on forever, the Marlins will be the Marlins because the fools are still fools, too foolish to look in the mirror and realize the ugliness that weighs down baseball in Miami is staring back at them.

Loria and Samson have just been curbed.

I haven’t attended a Marlins game out of my own pocket since the team began playing in the beautiful but soulless Marlins Park. I don’t care how many games they win. As long as Loria and Samson are running the show you’d be an absolute fool to support their constant ineptitude and disservice to the city of Miami.

Boycott the Marlins at all costs. Jeff Passan for President.

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