I imagine one of the coolest parts of playing in a bowl game other than the mostly meaningless competition on the field and a chance to travel to a new city is the potentially awesome gift allotment the players receive from sponsors. Especially considering the NCAA rides them all season for immense financial gain while the players get scholarships and some snacks in return.

The Miami Hurricanes got doubly screwed this year. Besides having to play in a 50-year-old dumpster of a stadium in a boring town like El Paso, their gift package is rancid. Their honor for playing in the Hyundai Sun Bowl?

“Gift suite; Timely Watch Co. Silvertone watch; Majestic Pro Base fleece pullover; Ogio Politan backpack; cap; commemorative coin.”

Check out all of the various bowl-game swag here while we walk you through these crappy gifts one by one.

Timely Watch Co. Silvertone Watch

Their website looks like it’s from the 90s. These can’t be good.

Timely Watch Co

Majestic Pro Base Fleece Pullover

majestic

Amazon customers give it 4.5 stars but it’s a fleece retailing for $16.88. Players get sick, free team gear all season. NEXT.

Ogio Politan BackpackBackpack

Ew. My guess is you’ll catch approximately zero football players wearing this on campus. Well, maybe the punter. Free or not, this is one ugly backpack.

Cap

Sun Bowl Hat

Jesus.

Commemorative coin
Coin

A COMMEMORATIVE COIN?

Even marquee games like the Orange Bowl didn’t fare much better. What player wants a “commemorative split helmet” with the opposing team’s logo on half of it? What player wants a helmet at all for that matter?

Screen Shot 2015-12-07 at 5.49.45 PM

These sponsors need to seriously up their gift game.

Among the cooler gifts? A meddling team like Pitt, who Miami beat, will get Xbox Ones for playing in the Military Bowl.