Stephen Ross is the dad with good intentions who constantly embarrasses his kid.

You wish he’d drop you off about three miles from school. Ross parks out front and walks you in while holding your hand. You yearn for a PS4 for Chanukah or Christmas (Jim Harbaugh). Ross brings home a PS2 (Joe Philbin). The man doesn’t have a clue.

Yesterday was no different as he addressed the media after a hollow win over the Patriots pushed the Dolphins to a face palm-finish of 6-10. Why he’s even talking to the media is a question of its own. Do we ever see Micky Arison chat with the media except after winning a title?

Ross’ words are in italics. My reaction is not.

“I guess in 2016, we are undefeated.”

“It’s 2015 that I am disappointed in and the way this team really performed in 2015, but I really have to thank Dan Campbell for the great job I think he’s done in really elevating this team. I’m very pleased with that. I think that when you look at it and the players we have, 2016, hopefully we can stay undefeated.”

After 6-10, nobody wants ill-advised attempts at humor from the man who failed his fan base, duping them into ponying up their hard-earned cash for season tickets to a dumpster fire.

As for Campbell’s praise? He led the team to a 5-7 record. Four of the seven losses were by 16 points or more…

“I told the players that I really believe that I am committed to winning Super Bowls and that is why I own the team. And for those who stay, we are going to be winning Super Bowls.”

It’s time to fit Ross with a dog shock collar. Every time he says the phrase, “Super Bowl,” he receives a jolt.

“If you look at our organization today and see what we have done, from every aspect, except on the playing field, we are probably a first-class organization in the National Football League.”


From every aspect, except on the playing field, we are probably a first-class organization.”

How out of touch is this man? This is like the CEO of Heinz saying, “from every aspect, except the quality of our ketchup, we are a first-class company.” For a savvy billionaire businessman, you’d think he would consider his choice of words more carefully.

“You can see the stadium and what is going on there, you can see the attendance and we were sold out for every game, you can see where we are going in every direction.”

NOBODY cares about the stadium if the product continues to be rancid. Sun Life is a Tesla with the engine of a 50-year-old golf cart. The outer shell doesn’t matter if the guts are of the poorest quality.

The fact that he’s boasting about selling out every game is jaw-dropping. Does he realize 99 percent of us have limited disposable income? He should personally refund every season ticket holder, especially after bragging about swindling his customers…

“My commitment is there to really take us to really winning Super Bowls.”

He said “Super Bowl” three times yesterday. It was three times too many.

“And you can go on today, everybody had something to play for, and we really dominated this game. That was very encouraging and hopefully it will carry on for the rest of 2016 and beyond.”

They “dominated a game” against a team that will have a first-round bye in the playoffs. Their reward is having a lower draft pick after a six-win season. Yes, watching Tom Brady get bullied was fun but one Sunday does not a season make.

The lesson, as always, is when Stephen Ross opens his mouth, embarrassment ensues.

It’s time we fit the daddy of the Miami Dolphins with a muzzle.

Follow Josh on Twitter @JoshBaumgard