In a move nobody saw coming, Miami Heat owner Micky Arison is purchasing the Miami Dolphins for a mind-numbing $2.3 billion.

“Señor Ross is selling,” his 92-year-old housekeeper Alberta told Slice Miami this morning by messenger. “I overhear him on the telephone with Micky. Not Micky from Disney. Micky from El Heat. I hear him say ‘fine, 2.3 billion, done deal.'”

If Alberta’s listening and comprehension are moderately accurate, this has to be shocking but excellent news for Dolphins fans after decades of futility.

Finally the franchise is put into the hands of a man capable of instilling some much-needed leadership and stability, with three NBA championships to show for it. Sources also indicate Arison will change the team’s color scheme to red and black, creating a harmonious relationship between his two pro sports teams.

Cheers, Miami — have a safe April Fool’s.