I’m gonna throw up.

I understand Bill Belichick‘s shtick is to say less, to talk up the opponent if he’s going to say anything lasting more than a few words, but to refer to the Miami Dolphins‘ offense as “explosive” when all they have is a one-game sample of 10 points is nauseating. Via NESN:

“(Miami’s offense is) explosive,” Belichick said. “They’ve got a lot of big-play receivers — (DeVante) Parker, (Kenny) Still, (Jarvis) Landry. They’ve got a good tight end. The backs are really good. They have really good depth at running back. “(Arian) Foster is a very hard guy to tackle. He’s got tremendous balance, gets a lot of yards, can really run the outside zone play, good receiver. (Damien) Williams, (Isaiah) Pead — they have depth at all those positions.

All Bill is doing is buttering up his opponent before the slaughter.

“Tannehill is obviously a guy that can throw the ball well, as we’ve seen, also can extend some plays with his running ability. He’s a threat to keep the ball. … They keep you honest. It probably is as balanced as any offense we’ll see all year. Run, pass. Inside, outside. Strong side, weak side. Receivers, tight ends, backs. However you want to look at it, there’s pretty good balance with whatever the other components are.”

Here’s more Tannehill ass kissing, moments before he prepares a gameplan to rip off the quarterback’s limbs and feed his heart to Gronk.

“He’s a good quarterback,” Belichick said of Tannehill. “He’s smart. He handles the offense well. He certainly takes control of things at the line of scrimmage, as we’ve seen quarterbacks do in Coach Gase’s offense — it obviously runs through the quarterback — and with checks, adjustments. But he’s a good decision-maker, athletic, throws the ball well. He certainly makes plays out of the pocket.”

I cannot wait for Tom Brady to retire and the genius Bill Belichick to follow him, the latter knowing there is no secret sauce to success in the NFL and that having a generational quarterback is half the battle. The other half is cheating. I bet he genetically modified Jimmy Garoppolo.

Nothing would make me happier this weekend than to see the Dolphins gut the Patriots on their home field but let’s be honest — it’s not happening.

They could suit up Big Papi at tight end and Chad Henne under center and they’ll still win on Sunday by two touchdowns.