When the Miami Dolphins executed an early-morning trade for Rams defensive end William Hayes (Miami receives the 31-year-old and a 2017 seventh-round pick for the Dolphins’ sixth rounder), they weren’t merely acquiring a solid veteran who would provide depth on the defensive line but also an imaginative soul with an excellent quote game.
“I got traded today for a stapler and a coffee machine,” Hayes said after learning of the trade. “Life goes on though.” Hayes was productive last season, ranking as Pro Football Focus’ 11th best edge defender against the run.
In an effort to sway Hayes from his dinosaur conspiracy theory, Jimmy Kimmel took the 272-pound lineman on a trip to the Natural History Museum. Well, the visit ended up being hilarious for viewers but didn’t exactly nudge him towards buying into the fact that dinosaurs once roamed the earth hundreds of millions of years ago.
In fact, it created a belief in unicorns and “intensified” his mermaids take.
“Who’s to say a mermaid can’t be down there?” Hayes asked, upon discussing the great depths of the ocean.
When asked whether he’d have sex with a mermaid if he came across one, Hayes responded elegantly: “If she was bad enough… Ariel. I’ll give it to her.”
Hayes is fortunate to land in South Florida because mermaids do exist here, at the Wreck Bar in Fort Lauderdale.