Step away from the keyboard, Chad Ford.

In fact, burn said keyboard and promise to never speak about the Miami Heat again on our behalf. The ESPN Insider must’ve been sipping on absinthe during his latest write-up featuring blockbuster NBA trades he’d “love to see for seven teams (ESPN Insider).”

One of this fantasy deals lands Carmelo Anthony with the Miami Heat. I don’t have major issue with it as a Plan F but the terms are downright ludicrous:

“Heat get: Carmelo Anthony

Knicks get: Justise Winslow, Tyler Johnson, Josh Richardson, Wayne Ellington, Josh McRoberts and the No. 14 pick”

HOLD UP.

So the Heat trades its three best young wings AND its first-round pick for a declining, defense-despising, ball-stopping Carmelo Anthony?

Nope. Hell nope! His reasoning:

“Why the Heat do it: The Heat were one of the hottest teams in basketball the last few months of the season. Adding a veteran scorer like Carmelo to a team led by Goran Dragic, Hassan Whiteside and Dion Waiters should make the team much more formidable in the Eastern Conference.

They wouldn’t be good enough to knock off the Cavs or the Celtics, but it’s worth the gamble.”

No. No. No.

Pat Riley isn’t in this thing for third place in the East, pal.

If Phil Jackson, the worst team president in basketball, wants to ship Melo away for pennies (IF the Heat fails to land Gordon Hayward or another whale via trade), I’d potentially be okay with it under several conditions, one being that Melo pledges to reinvent himself as a small-ball four who accepts fines for holding the ball too damn long and commits to the defensive side of the court.

But for Miami to blow up its young wing corps for a throwback talent whose value and commitment to winning are highly questionable? Good lord.

The Knicks have no leverage with Anthony because they’ve not only made it clear they’re desperate to move him but his isolation style isn’t that coveted in today’s NBA, which is comprised of super-efficient offenses who fly up the court and rarely settle for long 2s, a Melo staple. He’s also pricey — owed $26 million next season with a $28 million player option for the next one. And he’s got a trade kicker thus further increasing the cost to his new team in any trade.

I wouldn’t even trade Justise Winslow for Carmelo Anthony straight up. One is on a cheap rookie deal with a potentially bright future and the other is deteriorating quicker than an unsealed month-old jar of guacamole.

Chad has lost his mind.