As I sat in the press box in Philadelphia’s Lincoln Financial Field, it donned on me: Jay Cutler is not only going to be the best quarterback in the AFC East this season but the top passer in the entire league.
How do I know? Because I’ve watched the man in Training Camp and NOBODY analyzes practice the way I do. While Jay slang that football all over the damn field last night, leading the Dolphins to three touchdowns in as many drives, he proved his worth to me far before last night’s win.
Jay is a baller, has always been a baller, but we haven’t seen it because he hasn’t had the weapons. Now he has Devonte Parker, Jarvis Landry, Kenny Stills, and Jay Ajayi. Now he has Adam Gase, who was his OC in Chicago but is fully unleashed now as head coach. Now he has a system in place that will allow him to rise not merely among the NFL’s passers but surpass every single one of them, INCLUDING TOM BRADY.
Tom doesn’t have the same pocket awareness, he doesn’t possess the same intangibles, and he sure as hell doesn’t have the same rocket Jay has.
Don’t trust my word? How about Bob Griese’s? The Hall of Famer who led the NFL’s only undefeated team was in awe last night when I asked him to judge Cutler’s impact going forward.
“Ray Cutler is one HELL of a cornerback back, err, I mean quarterback,” Griese told me at halftime while chugging dark liquid in a red solo cup that smelled like scotch. “I’m tellin’ ya, Omar, he threw that one ball like 92 yards on a rope to VeDante Parker and he could’ve thrown the thing outside the stadium if he really wanted to. Never seen anything like it. New England should be worried.”
“That’s right! Jay Butler is the finest passer I’ve ever seen,” blurted out Nat Moore. I would’ve included Dick Stockton’s take as well but he was sleeping.
According to multiple team sources, there is one issue that has the franchise worried regarding Cutler and it has nothing to do with his play on the field or conduct off of it. In fact, it’s something out of his control.
I’m hearing half the cheerleading squad is three weeks pregnant and that Jay, who arrived three weeks ago, is the father. Only he’s never touched any of them because the lie detector test he received yesterday clarified as much. That can mean only one thing: Cutler is so manly and his arm is so strong, that a mere glance at Jay is fertilizing these helpless women.
As for Ryan Tannehill, if Cutler continues to provide explosive plays — and he will because I think he will and I am NEVER wrong — he’s either going to have to change his position to receiver (did you know he played wideout in college?!) or he’ll be looking for a quarterbacking job elsewhere. This is Cutler’s show now.
The Jay Cutler experience is already in full throttle, folks. You’d be wise to buckle up because this is the Dolphins’ year. It’s smelling super in South Florida.